Tuesday, April 18th, 2023

Hey there everybody,
I was so proud of myself for letting Positivity Journal Entry 0 to be published rather than let it rot in my drafts section until I finally gave myself enough courage to do it. It’s a bit difficult right now to find time to write.

Today, even though I didn’t feel like going to work, I did it. I also received a message from one of my hoodlums from regular classes last year that made my day.

Context 1

I haven’t felt really up to teaching anymore since my half a week spent at AQUOPS. It might be because I realized what life was without teaching in a school, or it might be because I missed learning new things, that feeling like I was in university again. I really, really miss learning. Three days of learning new ways of teaching have really ruined it for a couple of days for me. It might also be the freedom of having another different kind of schedule. It might be just because I was allowed to leave my comfort zone and go elsewhere, live a different routine for three days.

But…

It might also be because I inadvertently compare myself to these other teachers who are doing such amazing work here and there (see all my AQUOPS posts), and meanwhile, I can barely keep things together. Truthfully, I have so many corrections to do, and so many things to do (corrections, lesson plans, mostly corrections, etc.) and I can barely keep up. I look at all these teachers around me and I feel like they’ve got it together, I am not meant for this life.

Context 2

I honestly have been feeling this way from the morning up until around 11h15 when I received a message from one of my students from last year. He was not a very good student because of his demotivation and because of his toxic friendships last year. I pushed him to become better and near the end of the year, he showed promise. He showed enough promise that I decided to let him pass despite a certain gap, with permission from my principal of course. Since then, this year (2022-2023), he comes see me from time to time in the corridors, he says “hi,” and his face seems a lot more open, like he woke up from the nightmare that was last year and he is much more comfortable with himself.

Today, he sent me a message telling me something along the lines of: “Thank you so much for seeing my potential and for giving me a chance last year. I gave the effort and now, I have 80% average. I also have the opportunity to go to Enriched English next year.” Not only was all his messages in English (as opposed to last year when he only messaged me in French), but it reflected what his current teacher was telling me. I can’t explain to you how I felt when I read his message. It really, really made my day. I am still elated as I am writing this down.

Update: Apparently, my colleague has to fight a lot for him to keep motivated in his studies. I dunno if it is a really good thing then that he is so… optimistic about his …efforts? I guess it’s still a good thing…

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My colleague told me to write this down in my journal, and I agreed that this was pretty positive. I don’t think it will happen often, but they think this is proof that I should stay in school, that teaching is indeed for me, in a way. I just… really need to make sure my correcting abilities are on par…?

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That was all for me today,
I don’t think tomorow will have anything better than this, hahaha, but hope to talk to you tomorrow,
Miss PV